I am 99% sure that millions of artists have felt yhe same way when I say that I have had zero motivation to do anything remotely creative this past week. Instead I chose another form of art ...  reading a book called The Silent Patient (which is excellent by the way, you should read it). Yet a couple of days ago I was almost riddled with guilt for not sitting by my desk and picking up my paintbrush and I had no idea why. Then it hit me. 

I was putting pressure on myself to keep up with the Joneses on social media. I was thinking my popularity will wane or I will magically lose all that ive learnt because of a few days grace. If I dont push myself on social media, I will not gain any followers. But of course, thats ridiculous. Because the whole point of writing this blog wasnt for popularity or being perfect or saying hey look at me! 

Truth is, I paint for the joy and delight it brings me when I learn something new. I love sharing things with wonderful people like you and connecting with the world through my blog. I love it when things go right but feel damned frustrated when things dont work out. I love how painting helps me with my anxiety and depression (and boy has it got me through some dark times).  

But sometimes I dont want to paint. Sometimes I just want to go to work, come home and watch a movie.

And thats ok. 

If I step back and think rationally, my mind needs to shut down from all it's creative goodness and re-set for a few days. Ive been at my desk every day for the last few months and I just needed a break from it.

And thats ok. Im ok with that. 

And one day, I will. One day I will get back into painting and feel that familiar rush again. But for now, I want to rest my mind, and be kind to myself so until then, im going to read my book and head off to bed for a well deserved rest. Night folks!